FAMILY LAW ARTICLES

Domestic Violence: What May Keep Victims From Leaving Their Abuser

In previous pieces, we’ve discussed domestic violence and how much it has increased. We talked a bit about some of the most common reasons why victims of domestic abuse do not leave their abusers. Things like the fear of homelessness, the fear of financial loss, and the fear of losing their children are very common. There are many other reasons for this.

The Emotional Abuse You’re Facing

• Now, I want to talk a bit about something that is not necessarily remedied by law as it is remedied in the heart and mind of the person who is abused. That is to address the lies that the abuser is telling you. Whether male or female, these lies often go across the board. You need to hear and think – and understand – the real context of some of these lies.
• There are many lies told in an abusive relationship. They are all designed with the single goal of keeping you in that relationship.
• I love you so much that I can’t help myself.
• I love you so much, but you make me so mad.
• No one will ever love you the way I love you.

These are some of the most common statements abusers make – do they sound familiar to you? These are lies that keep a victim under control over the abuser. The fact is, you do want someone that is going to love you differently. You want the right person who actually values you and actually loves you. You want someone that appreciates your freedom of movement and contributes to yourself positive self-esteem. You don’t want someone that grinds you down and holds you back from the successes you desire in life.

Sometimes Movies Provide Insight

There are plenty of movies out there telling stories about domestic abuse. There are a couple I think any victim should consider. “Boxing Helena” and “Sleeping with the Enemy” are two of the best choices. These are good studies that show what does happen. These movies are brutal. They are emotionally impactful. Don’t watch them with the kids around.

Are They Really a Good Person?

One of the biggest lies that people say is this one. “He is a good person.”
When you make judgments like this, you need to consider what a person does, not what he or she says. A reasonable person strives to be good and is not going around smacking themselves in the back, saying just how good they are. If someone tells you they are the right person, that probably means they are not. It’s just a lie.

If someone is hitting you, striking you, threatening you with homelessness, or promising to take your kids, then they are not a good person in any way. Always focus on what they do, not what they say.

To become free from your abuser, you need to ask yourself what does this person do? Do his or her actions indicate they are a good person with good intentions?

Domestic abuse is a very real threat. It is one of the most critical times of your life to be strong to get help. If you hear these types of statements, you need to find a way to get out of that situation.

Every situation is very different. We cannot provide you with legal advice in this format, but we can tell you what’s practical. If you are facing any threats or violence, contact an attorney to get the legal help you need to get out of that situation.