When your spouse asked for a divorce, you had a lot of questions. Why did they want to end the marriage? How long had they known? Where did things go wrong? Who was going to get custody of the children?
However, it is also important to ask yourself a few questions as you move through the divorce process. The answers can help things go smoothly. Remember that divorce can become complex and emotionally draining, so anything you can do to make it easier is good for you and for your children.
To get started, here are five questions to ask:
1. Are you letting emotions influence your decisions?
You never want to do this. Yes, divorce is emotional as the relationship ends, but every legal decision should be based around facts and information. If you feel emotional, take a step back and compose yourself before making any important choices.
2. Do you have a healthy perspective on your life?
Divorce often feels like the end, but it’s not. If you’re 30 years old, for instance, you may still have five decades or more ahead of you. You may get married again. In 10 years, this marriage and divorce may feel like a small part of your life. It does not feel that way now, but thinking about the future helps you keep things in the proper context.
3. Are you focusing on your own health?
Along with a healthy perspective, you need to focus on overall health. This means physical health, mental health and emotional health. Put in time and effort to feel your best. Get exercise. Eat healthy meals. Talk to friends and family members. Do not be afraid to go see a therapist. People have a tendency to let everything else fall by the wayside during the divorce, but it can take months and this leads to a very unhealthy lifestyle.
4. What do you want for your future?
Do not focus on the relationship you’re losing or the future you assumed you would have. What do you want your future to look like now? It is up to you. Some people reinvent their careers, others do things they always put off before and still others look for new, positive relationships.
5. Do your kids always come first?
They should. If you have children, they come before you and before your ex. Make every decision by considering the impact on the kids. Put them first and work to make their lives just as good as they deserve.
The legal side
As you ask yourself these questions, make sure you understand the legal side of the divorce and all of the steps you and your ex need to take.